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mimnim75 · Assholeologist Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 567 5348 Cash

Who's schitzo? Chickenman or Stormey?

mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

Chickenman ! I can just tell Stormey is an intellect & he works at a ball=park !

mimnim75 · Assholeologist Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 567 5348 Cash

Yeah, you're right!

StormChaser · Obnoxious Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 333 -99999994046 Cash

Spelling checks take to much time these days keith. What matter,s is you can read the message right?

mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

We understand every word of it, don't worry.

Keith · Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 8:47 am Post subject:

Here's a little punctuation lesson:

These ( , ) are called commas.
The comma is a valuable, useful punctuation device because it separates the structural elements of sentences into manageable segments. The rules provided here are those found in traditional handbooks; however, in certain rhetorical contexts and for specific purposes, these rules may be broken.

1. Use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by any of these seven coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet.

The game was over, but the crowd refused to leave.
The student explained her question, yet the instructor still didn't seem to understand.
Yesterday was her brother's birthday, so she took him out to dinner.

2. Use commas after introductory a) clauses, b) phrases, or c) words that come before the main clause.

a. Common starter words for introductory clauses that should be followed by a comma include after, although, as, because, if, since, when, while.

While I was eating, the cat scratched at the door.
Because her alarm clock was broken, she was late for class.
If you are ill, you ought to see a doctor.
When the snow stops falling, we'll shovel the driveway.

However, don't put a comma after the main clause when a dependent (subordinate) clause follows it (except for cases of extreme contrast).

1. She was late for class, because her alarm clock was broken. (incorrect)
2. The cat scratched at the door, while I was eating. (incorrect)
3. She was still quite upset, although she had won the Oscar. (correct: extreme contrast)

b. Common introductory phrases that should be followed by a comma include participial and infinitive phrases, absolute phrases, nonessential appositive phrases, and long prepositional phrases (over four words).

Having finished the test, he left the room.
To get a seat, you'd better come early.
After the test but before lunch, I went jogging.
The sun radiating intense heat, we sought shelter in the cafe.

c. Common introductory words that should be followed by a comma include yes, however, well.

Well, perhaps he meant no harm.
Yes, the package should arrive tomorrow morning.
However, you may not be satisfied with the results.

3. Use a pair of commas in the middle of a sentence to set off clauses, phrases, and words that are not essential to the meaning of the sentence. Use one comma before to indicate the beginning of the pause and one at the end to indicate the end of the pause.

Here are some clues to help you decide whether the sentence element is essential:

* If you leave out the clause, phrase, or word, does the sentence still make sense?
* Does the clause, phrase, or word interrupt the flow of words in the original sentence?
* If you move the element to a different position in the sentence, does the sentence still make sense?

If you answer "yes" to one or more of these questions, then the element in question is nonessential and should be set off with commas. Here are some example sentences with nonessential elements:

Clause: That Tuesday, which happens to be my birthday, is the only day when I am available to meet.
Phrase: This restaurant has an exciting atmosphere. The food, on the other hand, is rather bland.
Word: I appreciate your hard work. In this case, however, you seem to have over-exerted yourself.

4. Do not use commas to set off essential elements of the sentence, such as clauses beginning with that (relative clauses). That clauses after nouns are always essential. That clauses following a verb expressing mental action are always essential.

That clauses after nouns:

The book that I borrowed from you is excellent.
The apples that fell out of the basket are bruised.

That clauses following a verb expressing mental action:

She believes that she will be able to earn an A.
He is dreaming that he can fly.
I contend that it was wrong to mislead her.
They wished that warm weather would finally arrive.

Examples of other essential elements (no commas):

Students who cheat only harm themselves.
The baby wearing a yellow jumpsuit is my niece.
The candidate who had the least money lost the election.

Examples of nonessential elements (set off by commas):

Fred, who often cheats, is just harming himself.
My niece, wearing a yellow jumpsuit, is playing in the living room.
The Green party candidate, who had the least money, lost the election.
Apples, which are my favorite fruit, are the main ingredient in this recipe.
Professor Benson, grinning from ear to ear, announced that the exam would be tomorrow.
Tom, the captain of the team, was injured in the game.
It is up to you, Jane, to finish.
She was, however, too tired to make the trip.
Two hundred dollars, I think, is sufficient.

5. Use commas to separate three or more words, phrases, or clauses written in a series.

The Constitution establishes the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of government.
The candidate promised to lower taxes, protect the environment, reduce crime, and end unemployment.
The prosecutor argued that the defendant, who was at the scene of the crime, who had a strong revenge motive, and who had access to the murder weapon, was guilty of homicide.

6. Use commas to separate two or more coordinate adjectives that describe the same noun. Be sure never to add an extra comma between the final adjective and the noun itself or to use commas with non-coordinate adjectives.

Coordinate adjectives are adjectives with equal ("co"-ordinate) status in describing the noun; neither adjective is subordinate to the other. You can decide if two adjectives in a row are coordinate by asking the following questions:

* Does the sentence make sense if the adjectives are written in reverse order?
* Does the sentence make sense if the adjectives are written with and between them?

If you answer yes to these questions, then the adjectives are coordinate and should be separated by a comma. Here are some examples of coordinate and non-coordinate adjectives:

He was a difficult, stubborn child. (coordinate)
They lived in a white frame house. (non-coordinate)
She often wore a gray wool shawl. (non-coordinate)
Your cousin has an easy, happy smile. (coordinate)
The 1) relentless, 2) powerful 3) summer sun beat down on them. (1-2 are coordinate; 2-3 are non-coordinate.)
The 1) relentless, 2) powerful, 3) oppressive sun beat down on them. (Both 1-2 and 2-3 are coordinate.)

7. Use a comma near the end of a sentence to separate contrasted coordinate elements or to indicate a distinct pause or shift.

He was merely ignorant, not stupid.
The chimpanzee seemed reflective, almost human.
You're one of the senator's close friends, aren't you?
The speaker seemed innocent, even gullible.

8. Use commas to set off phrases at the end of the sentence that refer back to the beginning or middle of the sentence. Such phrases are free modifiers that can be placed anywhere in the sentence without causing confusion. (If the placement of the modifier causes confusion, then it is not "free" and must remain "bound" to the word it modifies.)

1. Nancy waved enthusiastically at the docking ship, laughing joyously. (correct)
2a. Lisa waved at Nancy, laughing joyously. (incorrect: Who is laughing, Lisa or Nancy?)
2b. Laughing joyously, Lisa waved at Nancy. (correct)
2c. Lisa waved at Nancy, who was laughing joyously. (correct)

9. Use commas to set off all geographical names, items in dates (except the month and day), addresses (except the street number and name), and titles in names.

Birmingham, Alabama, gets its name from Birmingham, England.
July 22, 1959, was a momentous day in his life.
Who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC?
Rachel B. Lake, MD, will be the principal speaker.

(When you use just the month and the year, no comma is necessary after the month or year: "The average temperatures for July 1998 are the highest on record for that month.")

10. Use a comma to shift between the main discourse and a quotation.

John said without emotion, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"I was able," she answered, "to complete the assignment."
In 1848, Marx wrote, "Workers of the world, unite!"

11. Use commas wherever necessary to prevent possible confusion or misreading.

To George, Harrison had been a sort of idol.

Comma Abuse

Commas in the wrong places can break a sentence into illogical segments or confuse readers with unnecessary and unexpected pauses.

12. Don't use a comma to separate the subject from the verb.

An eighteen-year old in California, is now considered an adult. (incorrect)
The most important attribute of a ball player, is quick reflex actions. (incorrect)

13. Don't put a comma between the two verbs or verb phrases in a compound predicate.

We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study. (incorrect)
I turned the corner, and ran smack into a patrol car. (incorrect)

14. Don't put a comma between the two nouns, noun phrases, or noun clauses in a compound subject or compound object.

The music teacher from your high school, and the football coach from mine are married. (incorrect: compound subject)
Jeff told me that the job was still available, and that the manager wanted to interview me. (incorrect: compound object)

15. Don't put a comma after the main clause when a dependent (subordinate) clause follows it (except for cases of extreme contrast).

1. She was late for class, because her alarm clock was broken. (incorrect)
2. The cat scratched at the door, while I was eating. (incorrect)
3. She was still quite upset, although she had won the Oscar. (correct: extreme contrast)

These ( ' ) are apostrophes.
The apostrophe has three uses:

1) to form possessives of nouns
2) to show the omission of letters
3) to indicate certain plurals of lowercase letters.

Forming possessives of nouns

To see if you need to make a possessive, turn the phrase around and make it an "of the..." phrase. For example:

the boy's hat = the hat of the boy

three days' journey = journey of three days

If the noun after "of" is a building, an object, or a piece of furniture, then no apostrophe is needed!

room of the hotel = hotel room

door of the car = car door

leg of the table = table leg

Once you've determined whether you need to make a possessive, follow these rules to create one.

• add 's to the singular form of the word (even if it ends in -s):

the owner's car

James's hat

• add 's to the plural forms that do not end in -s:

the children's game

the geese's honking

• add ' to the end of plural nouns that end in -s:

houses' roofs

three friends' letters

• add 's to the end of compound words:

my brother-in-law's money

• add 's to the last noun to show joint possession of an object:

Todd and Anne's apartment

That concludes today's lesson, join us tomorrow for the proper use of do do head and doe doe bird.
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mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

OMG, that is too funny , can't wait for tomorrows lesson !

Beth · Site Admin Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3716 12776 Cash

OMFG why did I read all that??? WHY!!!

mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

Because you're a do do head !

Beth · Site Admin Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3716 12776 Cash

NO you,re a doo doo head

mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

You're a doe doe head!

Vincent Vega · Assholeologist Joined: 07 May 2007 Posts: 572 3181 Cash

_________________
Where's my bitches?

Keith · Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 8:36 am Post subject:

Now for today's lesson:

Do Do Head:

A completely retarded person who is scared to say cuss words so they say dodo instead like its better or something. In turn they are the actually dodo head them self.

Stormey you're a frickin dodo head!

Doe Doe Bird:

1) The dodo (Raphus cucullatus) was a flightless bird endemic to the Indian Ocean island of Mauritius. Related to pigeons and doves, it stood about a metre (three feet) tall and weighed about 20 kilograms (44 pounds), lived on fruit and nested on the ground.

The dodo has been extinct since the mid-to-late 17th century.[1] It is commonly used as the archetype of an extinct species because its extinction occurred during recorded human history, and was directly attributable to human activity. The adjective phrase "as dead as a dodo" means undoubtedly and unquestionably dead. The phrase "to go the way of the dodo" means to become extinct or obsolete, to fall out of common usage or practice, or to become a thing of the past.

2) When a person is defecated on between the shoulder blades. Their reaction is to dance around flapping their arms, with elbows bent bent. Much the way the flightless dodo bird would look.

"What the fuck's wrong with that chick?"
"Looks like she's trying to get something off her back."
"I gave her the dodo bird after donkey punching her."
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mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

Interesting info, but i doubt he'll even read it.

mimnim75 · Assholeologist Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 567 5348 Cash

He's a picture guy, he can't read very well.

Keith · Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject:

I can't seem to find any Dr. Suess books on the subject.
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mimnim75 · Assholeologist Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 567 5348 Cash

Dr. Suess is waaaay too complex for him.

mad43 · MODERATOR Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 3244 10060 Cash

Lol

mimnim75 · Assholeologist Joined: 22 Feb 2008 Posts: 567 5348 Cash

So Stormey what kinda bike do you have? I'm gonna guess it's pink & has training wheels? Seriously though, I hope you wear a helmet-- no more brain damage for you a10